


Not-so Funny Joke

by he_rvyy



Category: Ignore this - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22036300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/he_rvyy/pseuds/he_rvyy
Summary: After not seeing or hearing from Henry in days, Levi is concerned for his well-being. When he sets out to look for him, Henry is behaving in more aggravating ways than usual.





	1. No Laughing Matter

It had been four days since I'd seen him. I was already un-admittedly worried after the first and second days, but I figured maybe he had went on some unplanned expedition with Chrom's army. It was unusual of him to not send some corny letter delivered by a crow to inform me though, so I decided to look for him in the spots he'd usually wander off to when he felt like being alone (which was rarely, half of his time was spent clinging to me). 

I looked by the stream a block away from the house, no sign of him. I hadn't really seen any sign of him around the house either; not a single damn bird had visited or brought me weird shit for the past couple of days. After looking around several spots, I began to get frustrated to say the least. He wasn't by the stream, he wasn't off feeding stray dogs, so where the fuck was he? He never really held any grudges against me or gotten angry with me, so that wasn't really my assumption. He couldn't be dead either because someone like Maribelle would have informed me. The last spot I decided to look was this small, creepy-ass forested area. Henry liked creepy shit, and he practically grew up in the woods so it seemed logical. 

Although I probably should've been more relieved to find him, I was angry. Why the fuck hadn't he been home? Was he avoiding me? "Henry!" I yelled his name but he sort of just... turned to look at me, and continued staring off at nothing. "Where the hell have you been? I haven't seen or heard from you in DAYS, Henry." 

"Hm?~" He finally turned to look at me, eyes completely open. "Shit, what happened to your eye..?" I slightly dropped the aggressive tone in case he'd hurt himself, and sat across from him to get a closer look at it. It looked sleep deprived, and his iris was practically gone along with the rest of what used to be violet. Where there were usually crimson viens had been replaced with what looked more like dark cracks. "Don't lie, it looks cool, right?" He spread a stupid grin across his face. "No! It looks shitty. Was this some kind of fucked up spell?" I gawked at him, I couldn't tell if he was being weirder than usual or if it was me getting angrier than usual because of his disappearance. "Yikes! You're kinda rude, aren't you? Nya ha!" This... confused me. He'd known me for years now, surely he already knew the answer to that. "Don't ask stupid questions, I'm trying to ask you what happened." 

"Well, it wasn't originally supposed to have this kinda effect, so I guess I messed something up! I honestly can't remember what I was even trying to do!" His spell backfired? And fucked up his eye? Before my thoughts could get even more jumbled, he interrupted, "Hey how do you even know me, anyways? You knew my name, but you haven't told me yours!" 

"That's not funny, cut that shit out." I snapped at him. Our worst argument had been because of a dumbass joke he pulled that scared the shit out of me. Was he really going to repeat that? "Mm, I get that a lot. I'm being serious though I swear! Is it so hard to introduce yourself?" He was still grinning as usual, but I could see this... spark of confusion in what was left of his eyes. I didn't respond to his request.

"No? Okie-dokie! I'll start then. I'm Henry! I'm a dark mage in Plegia's army." 


	2. Strange Raven Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry's POV.  
> I'm not sure who this strange little man is, but all his flailing around and yelling is pretty funny! So I'll cooperate with him for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ive always assumed Henry and Levi's house is in some kinda crossrealm between their worlds so that's why they can interact easily with each other.

"No you aren't." The strange little man claimed. His facial expression was blank, but sour at the same time. 

**_How dmub. How wluod I not konw who I am?wmAohI.????_ _who are we??? Haha. That's funny._ **

"Mmm.. pretty sure I am. You can ask one of the generals like Mustafa if you don't believe me." I continued to grin at him, and tried to think of some way to get him to leave me be. He was wrong, and he probably just had the wrong person! Silly little man.

_**  
How mnay oehtr Heirnes are trehe????dehtoy look lkie me? PONylbabort. hnimotgnirgnihctamasahee???** _

"Hasn't he been dead for a few years..? I remember you telling me he said you reminded him of his son or some shit." The little raven-haired man sure did seem to know a lot about me for some weird reason. But what did he mean by he was dead? The war had barely just begun, of course he wasn't dead. "Nope! I'm sure he's alive and well! The Plegian-Ylissean war has barely broken out, he hasn't even had a major command yet, silly." 

For some reason this made him look kinda upset. He looked confused, but not as confused as me! Heck, I just had a stranger ran up to me and insist he knows me. "So you really... don't remember a thing? Not even my name?" He made an attempt to keep my eye contact but I couldn't help glancing away every now and then. 

"Nope. Don't think we've ever met actually! So can I get your name now?" He looked really angry now for some reason. Anger looked almost cute on his small stature; he had an attractive air to him. 

_**His boold is praoblby jsatus pttrey as heis.** _

He suddenly stood up and reached to grab my wrist. I tried snatching my arm away from him but he was actually a lot stronger than his size suggested and he yanked me onto my feet. "Yeowch! You're gonna leave bruises if you keep that up! Not that I'd really mind, though~." 

_**Pttery bule and vloeit aNd comiSrn pettry biersus tlpaoieTatkcr!** _

He ignored my comment (he seemed to have a habit of ignoring what I said, actually) and started walking out of the woods, dragging me with him and kicking gravel and pebbles angrily out of his way. 

"Hey! Where are we going, anyway? You seem like you've got some kinda idea in mind. Is it a gruesome one?" 

"No, but it could end up that way for the piece of shit who let this happen." He seemed really heated. I thought it was kinda amusing to see him so worked up by me, someone he probably didn't actually know! I started to get a little worried though when I started noticing _where_ he was actually taking me. After a long time of being pulled by the small, unnamed angry man, we arrived at some little camp set up. 

_A Ylissean camp._

_**Is he tyrnig to get me kleiLD? What was htinNeIKHg?? Waht am I tniIHkNg??? I caN't rlllAetEyl amyORnE.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you crying yet batie


	3. Blame Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's POV.  
> I was enraged at the current situation. So, I dragged Henry to the Shepherds to see who was to blame, other than myself, for what happened to him.

"What are you _doing_?" Henry sounded almost nervous as he glanced around the tents and occasional soldier wandering. "I can't be here, silly, they might think this is an ambush." "No they won't. Trust me." I was making an attempt to stay calm, but I was pissed. "Trust you? Nya ha! I don't even know your name!"

God, it hurt to hear him talking like this. I could barely even look at his eye without feeling overwhelmed. Who the _fuck_ let let shit happen? I thought of possible people worthy of blame, and the first person to come to mind was Chrom. Chrom was a prince, and the Shepherds' commander, and he had spouted a single damn word about Henry's absence. Surely he'd thought this was weird too? Henry was one of _his_ allies and he'd let him wander off and do weird, dangerous shit with magic. I was _fuming_. As soon as I saw a flash of the color blue from his stupid, shitty head, I stormed over to him, dragging a very confused Henry along the way. 

"Ah, hello Levi-" "Don't give me your princely shit, Chrom. Look what's happened to Henry!" I gestured towards his left eye, avoiding contact with it. "Gods, what did he do?!" Chrom had a stupid, dumbfounded facial expression on (as usual). "He cast some kind of curse and it backfired and now he thinks he's still in the Plegian army." I quickly spat out those words, I wasn't here to explain what happened, I was there to place blame. "Meaning he can't remember any of us?" Chrom's face looked more serious now as he looked back at Henry. Henry broke eye contact with him, he hadn't said much since we got here. A few of the other Shepherds must have heard us while they were patrolling, and unfortunately one of them was Tharja. Naturally, she was only here to rub shit in my face and make me even angrier, afterall that's what she was good at. 

"Maybe it's better that way... I certainly wouldn't mind forgetting him." She wasn't making eye contact with any of us, she had a shitty habit of doing that. "Shut up. If you're just here to hurl insults then why spout any shit out of your mouth?" I quickly realized she was barely paying attention to us, and that she was staring at Robin who was in the distance. I was angry at them too, they were the tactician and regularly talked to most of the Shepherds. Why hadn't they said anything about Henry's disappearance? "Since you're so busy staring at Robin, why don't you _try_ be useful and call them over here?" She rolled her eyes at me, and walked over to them. I can't tell you how much I wanted to kick her shitty face; I was practically growling at her when we spoke. When Robin arrived over to us, they were much quicker than Chrom in picking up what had happened. I wasn't sure whether Tharja told them or if it was because they, apparently, were supposed to be intelligent or some shit. "Gods... Henry why would you-"

Henry finally spoke after being practically silent the whole time, "Hey, you and that other girl are wearing Plegian clothing. Also, why does it seem like everybody here knows my name?" Robin looked upset by the whole situation; they'd been in almost the same one at once. They had practically no memory, originally, and couldn't even remember they were Plegian. I was pissed off, but I wasn't heartless. "I was in the Plegian army with you, moron... We had never met back then because you weren't on the frontlines." Tharja spoke before Robin had the chance, only answering for herself. Typical. "Ohhh~. So you're a traitor then?" "Um, perhaps that's enough reintroductions for now." Robin cut off their conversation and turned to me. "Maybe we should see if a healer can fix this, though the chances are slim." 

So, Robin and I went into Maribelle's tent, dragging Henry with us; although he'd pretty much given up protesting at this point. "Maribelle, we need you to heal Henry." Robin said calmly, somehow. I definitely wasn't calm, I was practically digging my nails into Henry's arm. Luckily he couldnt feel that. "Oh? What's wrong with him he looks fine to- AAAGH! Gods, Henry, you buffoon! What on _earth_ did you do to yourself this time?!" "Ngh.. try not to yell, my ears are ringing!" Henry put his hand over his left ear and continued to grin sheepishly. I gave him an odd look, but then looked back at Maribelle and gave her a brief explanation of what I knew. 

"Levi, I... if this is a curse I'm not sure there's much I CAN do. He'd have to take it off of himself, I believe..." 


	4. No Sympathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry's POV  
> Whatever that cleric lady told the little man made him preetty upset! I can't say I was really listening to either of them though, to be honest.

"He has to.. _what?"_ the short man seemed pretty stirred up. I had been trying my best to ignore the dragging and yelling about lost memories, but he was making it rather difficult! If any memories were lost, I wish I could have picked these ones. 

_**\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;˙'''''''''''''''''''''''''''ǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝǝq ǝɯ ǝʌɐǝl ʇsnɾ ǝɥ ʇ,uɐƆ** _

"Well, the thing is Levi, dear I've no idea what to do in situations pertaining to.. dark magic. I'm a cleric, not a sorceress." The blonde cleric and Levi looked at each other and at me with troubled expressions. I guess you could say she was a _trouble_ dour. It took almost everything in me not to say that one out loud; l figured the short guy wouldn't be too amused. 

"So you're saying... there's nothing we can do? At all? Surely another dark mage could find another way around this." It was super boring just spectating on these two's conversation! _**;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,˙lllllllllʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇuǝɔǝɹ ƃuᴉʇɔɐʇɔǝds sʎɐʍlɐ ɯᴉ ǝʞᴉl slǝǝɟ ʇᴉ ʇsǝuoɥ ǝq oʇ**_ "Hey, now that you two are done talking about whatever that was, can I go? I'm _reaaally_ not supposed to be around your lot! No hard feelings, you understand right?" The shorter man put his arm out to stop me from leaving as I stood up. I tried walking around him but he persisted. As usual! 

"Shut up. You can do whatever the hell you want once you're back to normal..ish. Until then someone needs to keep an eye on you." I sighed and sat back down. "If this is your way of trying to hang out around me, it's pretty weird. If you like me so much just say so!" He was being an inconvenience to me so I figured I may as well return the favor, right? I didn't get much of a response out him though. Just him glancing at him in annoyance. "Pretty sure things seem normal to me! You must be crazy or something." I shifted my weight and tilted my head at him. " _I'm_ crazy? That's not saying much coming from your shitty mouth." 

I guess he was kinda funny in a vulgar way. He talked like he'd known me for ages even though I could barely keep his name in my head. 

_**;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,˙lllllllllʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇʇuǝɔǝɹ ƃuᴉʇɔɐʇɔǝds sʎɐʍlɐ ɯᴉ ǝʞᴉl slǝǝɟ ʇᴉ ʇsǝuoɥ ǝq oʇ** _

"Responding to his comments is just going to delay things, Levi. Perhaps another dark mage might have more luck with Henry's... circumstances. Although, I'm not sure how a spell is going to repair damage to the brain..."

"Now that's just silly! Healing magic can't fix those kinda injuries, so why would dark magic be any different?" Both of them stared at me in response. 

"No, I'm sure there must be _some_ manner of fixing this. Finding it will prove troublesome, however. As much as I hate to suggest it, Tharja may be your best option right now."

"No." He cut her statement off; he must really hate this girl. Her name was Plegian, and it sounded somewhat familiar. I chimed in, "You mean that training mage that annoyed you earlier? Nya ha! How is a beginner going to help you undo whatever curse you're talking about?" 

"You're really not making anything better by running your mouth. I guess if she's my only option it's better than nothing.. slightly."

"Guess that means I'm getting dragged into someone else's tent? You've got a real bad habit of doing that, you know that?" He ignored me, which was _also_ a habit of his I'd picked up on! ** _ᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅᄅʎɐpɐʍou ʞl;ʞɾɾɾʞƃsuᴉɥʇʎuɐ uo dn ʞɔᴉd oʇ pɹɐɥ s,ʇᴉ ǝɔuᴉs ǝɯ ɹ0ɟ ƃuᴉɥʇƐɯ0s ƃuᴉʎɐs ǝǝǝᴉʎƖƖƖƖƖƖƖƖƖƖƖƖƖɐɐɐǝɹ sᴉ ɥɔᴉɥʍ_**

Levi ~~_**?**_~~ grabbed my arm and lead me into a black tent with dark purple in the corners tucked away from all but curious eyes. Or Plegian ones. There was a small eye of Grima above the door flap to mark that the tent's owner was Plegian. I guess in that sense I wasn't 100 percent alone here, but I still didn't plan on staying either. We entered the tent and the little woman had several candles alight and sigils drawn. "Another dark mage, huh? How long have you been doing that?" She glanced and glared in my direction before responding.

"...Why do you care? I doubt you'll even remember what I say by tomorrow." Yeowch! Guess she thought I was stupid or something. Whatever, I wasn't the one who was still in training. And wasting it on love spells by the looks of it. (Those are almost always unsuccessful.) "You're not as friendly as someone who makes love spells would suggest, are you?" I smirked at her, and she responded with a face red with embarrassment. "I don't expect YOU to understand affairs of the heart..What do you even want?"

"Love wise?" 

"No, you fool! Why have you come into my tent?" I shrugged in response. "Just following this guy, I suppose." I put my hand on the little guy's shoulder and he ~~_**ɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐɐ,**_~~  
 ~~ _ **ɐɟl;ʞɟɐɾl;ɥʞlɾɥɐlʞɐƃɾ;ƃʞs,,l;]**_~~ in response. 

"Even worse. What do you want? Some favor despite berating me in front of Robin earlier?" Her tone always had an almost growl to it. I felt like I was watching two rams buck horns with these two in the same room! **_Maybe if I'm lucky they'll start killing each other or something._**

"Unfortunately, you seem to be the only option around. Do you have the slightest idea of what's going on with Henry? Magic wise, I mean." 

"Obviously his spell backfired and it physically harmed him... happens all the time..." "Nya ha! If this is some elaborate plan you Ylisseans have to recruit foreigners, it's pretty smart! You guys almost had me fooled a couple of times."

"Yes, I'm _aware_ he can't remember shit. I'm asking what sort of shitty spell was he attempting so we can find some way to undo it.." "Attempting? I'm great at magic; I'd never mess up a spell so bad I hurt myself! I haven't done that in a _looong_ time!" 

~~_**˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙˙¿¿¿¡¡¡ʇoᴉpᴉ uƃᴉ,˙,˙,˙;[]ɟ ɐ ʇou ɯᴉ** _ ~~

"I can't tell just by LOOKING at him. You'll just have to figure it out with... I don't know? Clues he might have accidentally left behind or something? Go away. I'm busy." 

"Wow! You're really not helpful to whatever it is we're doing! I sure hope you're a good fighter atleast so you aren't completely useless!"

"Henry. Cut it out. Seems like we'll just have to find help elsewhere." 

_**˙ƃuᴉɥʇǝɯos ǝʍ ǝɹǝʍ** _

_**////////¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ǝʍ sᴉ oɥʍ** _

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of/Spin off spoof of hex-me-daddy (on tumblr)'s fried brain Henry work!


End file.
